Записи с темой: юмор (список заголовков)

di carne e sangue
А поделитесь, пожалуйста, любимыми каламбурами на английском.

Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
He had no body to go with

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box.

A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy.
-- если бы не Фёрт с Эвереттом и "how dare you", так и не врубилась бы.

source: www.jokes4us.com/ , www.punoftheday.com/

@темы: юмор


di carne e sangue
Здравствуйте. Как ближе всего перевести на английский "лапать" в значении "лезть обниматься, тереться тушкой, вешаться на шею"? Ну, как Мадонна Эверетта х)
Из предложенного Гуглом понравилось paw over, но поиск по картинкам не дал обжимающихся пар, поэтому сомневаюсь, что можно использовать.

@темы: изучение, перевод, юмор


Орфографическое :)

Thomasina [DELETED user]
Как вам такая прелесть? ^__^

"I" before "E" except when there's a feisty heist on weird beige foreign neighbours reinventing protein at their leisure.

@темы: юмор, запоминание



На уроке английского препод попросил Ваську:
- Сlоsе thе windоw, dо it!
Васек проснулся, непонимающе на препа посмотрел и сказал:
- Дует? Странно, а мне не дует...

@темы: юмор


A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. 'So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?'

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, 'Ehhhh .. 22!'

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. 'And can you tell us your height, please?'

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, 'Five foot two!'

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. 'And uhh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?'

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, 'Mandy!'

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, 'Just out of curiosity, Miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?'

'Ohh that!', replies the blonde, 'That's just me running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....''

@темы: юмор



I've just saw your balance sheet — Видел я ваш баланс... так себе баланс
Let it be — давайте есть пчел
I fell in love — Я свалился в любовь
Let's have a party — Давайте организуем партию
Let it be so — давайте эту пчелу вот так вот
We have a lunch for an hour — мы имели Ланча один час
Can You hear me — Ты можешь меня здесь
Undressed custom model — Голая таможенная модель
Manicure — Деньги лечат
I'm just asking — Я всего лишь король жоп
I have been there — У меня там фасоль
God only knows — Единственный нос бога
We are the champions — Мы шампиньоны
Do You feel alright? — Ты справа всех знаешь?
Bye bye baby, baby good bye — Купи купи ребенка, ребёнок хорошая покупка.
To be or not to be? — Пчела или не пчела? или: Два пива или не два пива?
Just in case — Только в портфеле
I will never give up — Меня никогда не тошнит
Oh dear — Ах олень
I saw my Honey today — Я пилил мой мед сегодня
I'm going to make you mine — Я иду копать тебе шахту
May God be with you — Майская хорошая пчелка с тобой
Finnish people — Конченные люди
Bad influence — Плохая простуда
Phone seller — Позвони продавцу
Good products — Бог на стороне уток
Watch out! — Посмотри снаружи!
I know his story well — Я знаю твой исторический колодец
Press space bar to continue — Космический бар прессы продолжает
I love you baby — Я люблю вас, бабы!
By the way — Купи дорогу
Let's have a party — Давайте отымеем партию

@темы: юмор


Russian sientists

English Language
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 Billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C.
The Russians used a pencil.

@темы: юмор


10 Blondes 1 Brunette

English Language
There were 10 blondes and one brunette hanging on a rope off of mount everest.

The rope could'nt hold all of them so one person would have to fall on to the cliff below and sacrifice her life so the rest could live.

The brunette gives a touching story of how she will sacrifice her life for the rest of them to live, and she will let go and die and after she does this touching speech all the blondes applauded her.

@темы: юмор



English Language
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. After a performing a thorough examination and running multiple tests, the doctor comes out with the results.

"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," says the doctor, "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."

"Oh, that's terrible!"says the man, "How long have I got?"

"Ten," the doctor says sadly.

"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? Ten What?"


@темы: юмор